My Friend, The Russian Spy

Late Friday night my phone rang with a number I didn't recognize. Fearing it would be a crazy person calling about work I did what anyone would do and ignored the call. a few minutes later I heard the ringing bells announcing I had a voicemail, it went something like this: "Hi, this is *Adam* I got your number from a mutual friend who thought we might make good friends, I've heard a lot of really fun things about you and you seem like a really cool girl so I thought maybe we could talk and see what we have in common, call me back at 555-867-5309." Listing to his message my first thought is, who gave out my number without telling me? I ran through all my friends and no one came to mind as my mysterious matchmaker making it truly puzzling. 

Curiosity was really starting to get to me and it seemed the only way I would get to the bottom of the mystery would be to just ask so I sent him a text, the conversation went something like this:
me- "Who is our mutual friend?"
Adam- "Who is this?"
m- "you said we have a mutual friend...?"
A- "I got your number from the Russian Spy"
m- "OH that friend! They are always giving out my number, I need to remember who they are and talk to them about it"
A- "So what are you up to?"
m- "I'm with some friends"
(mostly normal conversation occurred at this point with any future references to our mysterious mutual friend being totally dodged)

We continued to text for several hours and with each text he just seemed to be cementing to me they type of guy he was, you know the type, the guys that go through girls faster than they change their clothes and are doing good to remember how many girls they kissed that week much less remember their actual names BUT they are fun to talk to. Somewhere around the middle of the night/morning I fell asleep while texting and (of course) got the courtesy "sweet dreams princess" text which even though I know is generic, I still love.

Saturday I went with a friend to meet a guy she had wanted to set me up with, he was very interesting to me & it was possibly the most uncomfortable moment I've had in awhile. Upon leaving: Dating Self-Esteem- ZERO.

Of course *Adam* started texting me and feeling like such an idiot from my earlier experience I decided it wouldn't hurt to go for round 2 of harmless texting. The texting continued for awhile and eventually it was decided that getting ice-cream would be a good idea. Now, there was once the day when I probably would have gone and jumped in the car with this stranger but fortunately for me I've gotten more cautious over they years and realized that my driving was a good idea so off I went to meet him with the understanding that I would be driving. We met at a popular grocery store parking lot and headed off in search of soft serve cones.  This is where it gets interesting!

Adam- "so I guess we ought to start telling the truth now"
me- "ok..." (I'm thinking I will finally know who our 'mutual friend' is, I could not be more wrong!!)
A- "so my name isn't Adam, it's actually *John*" (!!!!!??)
m- "so where did the Adam come from?"
A/J- "everyone makes fun of my name so I like to use my middle name, Adam when I first meet people to avoid the jokes"
m- "I guess it wouldn't have crossed my mind to even think that, wow" (thought process: really?!?!? who DOES that??!)
A/J- "so what truths do you want to tell me?"
m- "my name is still the same"
A/J- "oh well if you ever change your mind, that is ok" (thought process: what am I changing my mind over, I seemed to have missed the memo to lie about things! what a WEIRDO)

but wait...the story gets better!!

Now we have our cones and are driving around and he's telling me how he got accepted into a school program that will let him go through the program in half the time.  The downside is their program is more expensive.   As I'm driving aimlessly he starts telling me when to turn and eventually we end up infront of a house that he announces is his parents house (thought process- hum...ok... not my first choice for places to take a stranger but whatever...) after which he tells me he's just moved back in with them! (thought process: not my first choice, I love my parents but don't know I could live with them but if I was going to an expensive program and it was an option, why not, ok) My thought process could not be more wrong.  The next thing out of his mouth, "I just couldn't stand living so far away from them." (though: !!!!!!!!????????!!!!!!!!?????) (he moved maybe a mile!- my parents don't even live in the state and for quite a while weren't even in the same COUNTRY that I was!) he precedes to tell me that he doesn't really care about his dad but he just needed to be closer to his mom!!!! (tender, but WHAT?!?!?!)

I continue driving, wondering how quickly I can end this when he says we should walk around a park.  At this point, really not my first choice (or third... fourth...fifth...hundredth!) but he seemed so psycho to me at this point that I didn't want to upset him, I mean I don't understand this type at all, my previous assumption of his type could not have been more off! I pick a park I know well (it's really late now) and of course there isn't really anyone else there so I'm dreading this walk, kissing him is just not happening. Little did I know (and much to my relief) I didn't need to worry about this, he proceded to POWER WALK through the park, I was jogging to keep up. Luckily (for several reasons) it was a short run.

At this point (much to my relief) our evening was coming to a close and I dropped him off. Being a "nice guy" (or psycho, take your pick) he offered to talk to me while I drove home since it was so late. Now anyone that knows me knows that my phone pretty much starts dialing people the second it gets in my car and I wonder sometimes if they are both required to be there for either to function, I talk that much while driving [I use hands free kits, so it's safer!]. I had no desire to continue any type of conversation with him and told him I don't talk on the phone while driving (just call me Pinocchio) and he made me promise to tell him when I made it home.

About 20 minutes later I pull into my driveway and, as promised, send my text:

me- "I'm home"
A/J- "Already gee your snappy so what did you think of me I think you are very pretty and you have a great smile gorgeous eyes and a great personality very soothing peaceful speech and voice and very fun to talk to I would love to see you again"
m- "thanks you, that was an adventure"
A/J- what?! no reply? I open my heart up to you and all you can say is thanks? our budding romance will not work with this type of communication, I need you to say 2 good things and 1 bad thing about me
(I am not the type to take this type of conversation well, if you need me to say why I like you when I just met you, I am not your type)
m- I like you let me drive, I like you picked public places and I liked the icecream
a/j- this is not good communication but I think our budding romance can survive it as along as we work on it (thought process:  budding romance???)
m- I'm going to bed

for days later he would text and I'd ignore him. Finally I told him I was dating someone else to which I got that; "our love could survive that," and he kept texting!

I finally told him I was getting married, (I'll get married eventually, it wasn't a total lie!) I haven't heard from him but I'm sure if I called off my imaginary engagement, our budding relationship would still be in tact!

Best of all, he got my number by stalking my old job!! we didn't have a mutual ANYTHING!