What not to say to impress a girl

I've recently been talked into trying online dating.  True to form, there have ben plenty of "normal" guys and then the crazies who have not been disappointing!  Here are a few things I've been told that I recommend not saying to girls.  All of these were their opening lines to me also which just makes them even worse!

Example 1- The Skeptic

Boy:  Are you stalking me? Does a girl like you actually exist? Shouldn't you be married to some trust fund quarterback? Maybe there is hope for girls like you to realize there really is more to life then!

Example 2- Why date, let's just get married

Boy:Hi I'm Jared, I can't help but wondering, Why don't you have kids?

Me:  Cause being a single mom never seemed like a good idea.

Boy: How many kids to you want?

Me: I don't know, we'll see

Boy: What traits does your husband need to have?

Me:  Just to be my best friend

Boy:  Can I be your friend? I have 2 kids and you'd be great with them.

Example 3- The One-hit Wonder

Boy:  How about you come over, we can hook up and we never have to talk again if you don't want to

Me:  I don't think so

Boy:  You are a jerk, what a piece of work!

Example 4- The Expert

a few minutes into our conversation: 

Me:  So what do you do for fun?

Boy:  Mini-golf, bowling, doing puzzle together, running my hand through girls hair...

Me:  Yeah but when you are by yourself, what do you do? What are your hobbies?

Boy:  I used to collect baseball cards as a kid...

Me:  Ok... So what kind of music do you like?

Boy:  80's and Christian rock

Me:  I don't think we will have anything in common. I like country and top 40

Boy:  I can tolerate a little of that

Me:  Yeah but I also like sporting events, being outside, movies and hanging out with friends and family

Boy:  Well having been married I can tell you that actually having things in common doesn't matter, it how you feel about God that only really matters

Me:  Yes but I also want to be friends with the guy I marry

Boy:  Well having been married before I can tell you that you are being shallow and good luck finding that

Example 5- Right to the point

Boy:  You are the girl I've been looking for to marry, who are you?