Settling?

Some boys just don't take a hint. Friday a week ago I was driving home from work when who should call but the one-hit-wonder (OHW) boy. I'm not going to lie my first thought was to ignore the call but then I decided that would just lead to more calls and I might as well just get it over with so I answered.

OHW- so I figured that since I haven't heard from you in a week that means you probably decided not to take me up on the 5-date compromise. I just had to call and ask though, I mean when your future is on the line you have to find out

Me- Sorry about that, I thought it over quite a bit and I just don't think this is a good idea. I feel like I would just be wasting your time and money by letting you take me out

OHW- How is that wasting time and money? you are an amazing girl and together we are an amazing couple and I think the future could be endless for us.

Me- I appreciate you calling and thank you for thinking I'm that amazing but there are other girls out there that will be even better for you

OHW- I know that but I would be ok with you

Me- yeah, sorry this just won't work out.

OHW- well if you change your mind I'll always be here and if you ever have an emergency you can call me. I want to hear all about your triathlon tomorrow

Me- oh well, they had to shorten the swim portion so I'm sure it will be great. Good luck with everything

So that he called to find out if he had a chance I can respect. I know that one of the worst things is wondering "what-if" but I think that the other half of making that call is knowing that if the answer is no it just has to be no and because you are the one that brought it up you can't be a jerk about it if the person you called is being nice. Telling me that he knows there are better girls out there but he's ok with me really came across as he'd settle for me, not exactly the romantic-win-my-heart kind of comment I'm sure he was going for.

I did not call to tell him the triathlon results either. I think a clean finish is good, especially since we weren't friends to begin with.

Let's Define "Compromise"

Well, I'm in a mess. The one-hit wonder date seems to be unfazed by my lack of interest and is confusing my very busy schedule for, well, a very busy schedule rather than the date-dodging that it really is. Most people seem to run from the first sign of "no" but not this guy. I decided we needed to let him down gently. I prefer not to crush his little heart that our make out was just that and not a confession of my love-for-him-at-first-sight.

Monday- missed phone call, followed by a text that he just remembered I was at the movies followed by a voicenote. (Really? why did you not leave a voicemail message when you called me 5 minutes beforehand?) "Just wanted to say hi and let you know I'm sorry if we jumped into kissing too soon for you the other night. That was probably too physical for a first day"

Tuesday I avoided replying to him for a few hours, once he'd asked how late I stayed up, what chocolate brand I liked, did I like Toblerone, was I awake still, and what for my plans for the night; I finally replied that I was going to bed and ignored all the previous texts.

Wednesday night I was sick and didn't reply again. This time I was dodging things like, smile, I miss you you, hope to see you soon... and the like. I finally replied around 11 p.m. and told him I was sick (I really was) and was going to bed. He offered to bring me chicken soup. I said no. Even if he wasn't a weirdo I would have said no, I was tired and not about to stay awake any longer than necessary.

Thursday- this was it, the day I was pulling the plug. I'd given it a lot of thought and had it figured out. I sent him this text: "So I don't think this is going to work for me, we got too physical too fast. Sorry." I didn't think I'd hear back from him at all but I was wrong. I get the following reply: "How about a compromise?" I know I grew up in a different world than most but I thought the idea of a compromise was pretty universal and I had no idea how not seeing each other could be compromised but he had a suggestion: "give me 5 dates, if I try to get physical or at the end of those 5 I'm not what you want, I'll disappear." He then told me I can think in it since its such a "big decision". I think the compromise he had in mind was the nothing physical part but I don't see why on earth he would want to spend money on me when I told him no. plus FIVE dates? That is like a whole month of dates! why oh why would I spend with a guy that I have no interest in?

Meanwhile: Jason is confusing me.

Tuesday I heard from him and he was canceling our date on Saturday. I'm pretty disappointed about this. At the time he claimed it was the mission farewell for a long time family friend but I've now developed my own theory. He told me today that he gets super nervous when it comes to going on dates. He says he's fine doing things and I know he's made out with his share of girls but call an activity a date and he will panic. I think he had too long to think about it and panicked. I also think this means the movie outing (which I cancelled) was more of a date in his book than it was a "hang out." I told him that some guy I randomly met wanted to date seriously and had suggested a 5 date compromise and he didn't seem to like this story at all (I left out the kissing part) he told me to tell him that a good compromise is we have 0 dates and I'm nice to him if I ever see him again. (little did he know just how weird this guy keeps getting and what a compromise that is on my end! my ability to be nice drops with each time I say no)

Needless to say, one-hit-wonder is just that and will be getting NO dates but I still want to date Jason- I'm just not sure how to make this happen. I have a theory that the slightly older Mormon guys worth dating tend to need a little extra work and I've decided I'm ok putting in the work for him. I just don't know how to approach it...

Oh and now I need a date for Saturday since he cancelled :(

Things in threes?

They say people die in threes but apparently there are a few more things that happen in threes, like boys.

Friday night my emailing "friend" (the one I mentioned last week) and I established that we are going to the State Fair next weekend. Yeah! it is also officially a date so this is a good thing. Thank you for the votes with what to do. He ended up initiating things after all.

Not 30 minutes after we finished talking a friend from a prior ward who I hear from every few months sent me a IM (apparently I'm very into electronic communication lately) and asked for my number so we could go out sometime. He's been a casual friend for awhile so while it isn't as exciting as the State Fair, I'm sure it could be fun.

The next day, Saturday, I was up the canyon and met this guy who started small talking and when I went to leave asked for my number. I decided to go for it, I mean, asking for my number doesn't even mean he'll actually use it so what does it hurt.

3 boys, 15 hours. And one of me. I never handle juggling more than 2 well.

Unfortunately he did use it, right away. I was watching the BYU - Oklahoma game and he wanted game updates. After we pulled off the win, he suggested we celebrate by eating ice cream. I decided again to go for it. (bad idea) after all, its just ice cream right? He came over and we were laughing then sitting at the table eating and he decided to hold my hand. Then he suggested we cuddle on the couch. I was very sunburnt and not that interested in cuddling (I'm still excited about the State Fair, this week is not a good week for other boys) but then I also like to cuddle and I was already holding his hand (bad idea, I know) so I didn't see too many other choices. We cuddled for all of 5 minutes before he decided to kiss me. I knew at this point that I wasn't THAT into him but of course it was late, I was tired and kissing is fun. So I went with it.

Here is a list of things not to tell a girl the day you meet her and the first time you are kissing:

You are my universe

You are the 7th girl I've ever kissed and already you are more important than any of the others, including my ex-fiance

I really wanted my first kiss to be over the alter

Have you kissed much more people than me? I bet you haven't you don't seem like a slutty girl (I've kissed QUITE a few more... does that mean I'm a slut?)

We are an amazing couple

Can I see you every day this week?

I don't want to go home tonight

Want me to take my shirt off? (I would like to point out that everything was totally appropriate so where the idea to start taking clothes off was coming from is beyond me)

I've never worked anywhere for more than a few months. Either I quit or get fired

I still live at home (he's pushing 30) and besides my mission I always have

I currently don't have a job

One day I plan to finish college

Will you come to my ward temple night this week with me?

The good thing that came out of all of this is now I just have to figure out how to juggle the email boy and the guy from my old ward (who I'm hoping will take awhile to ask me on a date anyway so then I won't have to worry about it!)

As for the guy I kissed... I already turned him down four times this week to do things so I'm hoping he gets the idea.

Yeah for this Saturday though!

Group Vote

Ok, I've come to a point that I am in need of some advice. You are welcome to make a comment, cast a vote or both but this needs some outside viewpoints. The more advise the better.

About 2 months ago I met a guy (we'll call him Jason) through work and we started emailing about work, then he started adding a few personal comments and now we email constantly, facebook, etc and work is about the last thing we talk about. The day I met him I had a first date with a guy that I ended up dating for a little while so by the time we started emailing I was in the middle of whatever it was with the other guy and in honesty and full disclosure efforts, I told him about the other guy, but we kept emailing. Just as other guy and I broke it off, Jason met another girl who was really aggressive and pretty soon they were dating. We discussed her frequently and how it was unusual for him to have a girl so aggressive when his usual style is much slower and he prefers to get to know girls better up front. From what he was saying I thought she was playing him (turned out, I was right) but he wasn't ready to see that so we kept emailing (we didn't talk about her constantly but she came up) about 2 weeks ago when things with the girl started going south he started asking me about the guy I'd been dating (by then we were long since over) and I told him it was an old story but totally done. He wanted to know if there were any other guys in the mix for me, I told him no. (I'm assuming by "in the mix" he was referring to people I was actually dating not emailing)

Last weekend (Friday) the girl called it off it with him. She met someone else and had been dating them both. (shocker) This made Friday the first day that we were both available and we both knew it. We emailed on FB all day, we IM-ed till 2 am, Sunday we FB emailed again and that brings me to the question here. What do I do next?

The problem:

Since I met him at work I have to be a little more careful that I normally would. (we don't work together, he's a potential client) so technically he needs to initiate anything that does, or doesn't, happen. He is a slow mover and I tend to not be (otherwise this blog wouldn't exist) on the other hand, a slow mover may be just what I need, it has been 2 months of constant, and hundreds, of emails so it really isn't jumping into this either. From his stories of the other girl I think he likes slightly more aggressive girls which once I get to about this point I can do just fine but again, work complicates this.

I'm going to assume that he would not email me so much if he wasn't interested, that would be a major waste of his time. Some of his emails are pretty personal, we talk about anything and everything.

Here's the possible next steps I see:

1- Just keep emailing, he'll do something eventually, right?

2- Find a way to switch to texting (If you think I should do this, I welcome suggestions as to how I'm going to do this) and see if he will take the rest from there.

3- Invite him to do something that I'm already doing, if I was already going, work can't be mad!

4- Just flat out ask him out and ignore the rules. Up till the last girl he went months without going on a date so the aggressive type may not be all bad for him... (I do like my job though)

5- Something else...

What do you think?

Creepy McCreeperson Award

I have to give mad props to Mormon boys in Utah who are into their professional careers and still single but out to meet girls through their everyday life. In a place where 50-75% of the population is claiming to be Mormon and we have one of the lowest average ages for marriages its a little tricky to tell who is available and who is off the market and who doesn't have the same priorities. So to every guy that has met a girl through professional workday routines and asked her out I am impressed. I'm even more impressed though if it went well.

Today I was walking into a company I work with and standing on the front staircase is a guy I'd guess to be in his late 20's or early 30's waiting out front for someone. As I was supposed to meet someone I will admit taking a moment to look and see if he was who I was meeting. He wasn't. I found my contact, went in and took care of what I needed and was headed back to my car down the stairs when he came walking back up. Just as he passed me he commented "Isn't this great weather" to which I turned and replied that It was and I wished it would last for a few more months and he informed me it wouldn't. so far so good. unfortnatly this was the only truly normal point in teh conversation.

him: do you work here?
me: no, they are a client of ours.
him: how did you get into your job? Don't you love sales?
me: yes, I love what I do
him: so what other companies do you work with, do you come here often? (isn't that a line used at bars?)
me: lately I come here a lot, I work with companies all along the Wasatch Front though
him: so where do you live?
me: Utah county...
him. oh cool. What's your name?
me: my name is sarah
him: nice to meet you. (he shook my hand and stepped back. he had a VERY WEIRD handshake. major annoyance of mine)
me: so your name is...?
him: Dave.
him: so who do you live with?
me: friends
him: oh fun, how often do you see your roommates or family?
me: (creep-o-meter going off) pretty often
him: oh, ok. are your roommates boys or girls?
me: girls
him: oh, well ok. That sounds like it would be cool. i like to go to that area sometimes
me: yes my roommates and I have fun.
him: I have a house in Murray, it's 15 minutes to anywhere in the valley from there, Utah county is close. What city do you live in?
me: lehi... (no I don't really live in Lehi, yes I guess that means I lied. It was for a good cause though)
him: that is a pretty area.
me: I think I need to go.
him: You should look me up, I'm always around. (Insert images of him jumping out of the bushed by my office)
me: ...ok...

I'd like to announce that if I disappear, stop blogging, can't be reached by my phone or anything else, come looking for me and then go question Dave "around" the company. Report him to the police.

And Dave, next time something like: "want to grab something really quick" or "want to get together and talk more sometime" would both have been much more normal and I probalby would have said yes but instead, you won the Creepy McCreeperson Award for today.

Another what not to do

So we went out, we had fun, we kissed for awhile in the parking lot and you went on vacation. I had another date with someone else the next night. I didn't hear from you for a few days but spent most of them with my new "friend" so a week and a half later when I hear from you, you are old news. I tell you I'm going out of town (I really did) here are a few things not to follow that statement with:

1- That is too bad, I was hoping to meet and make out tonight and go on a date.

(follow up text) Not that I only want to make out with you, we can go on a date too

2- Text me when you get back

3- (a few days later) Hope you are having fun, text me when you get back

4- (the day I told you I'd be back, 9 AM) how was your trip? was I supposed to text you today or are you texting me?

5- (few hours later) I still haven't heard from you, home yet?

6- (few hours later) Just checking in

I would like to point out that I replied after text #1 and didn't say anything else.

I don't recommend this approach.

First dates 101- what not to do

As was suggested Ryan from the what not to say blog is so smooth he should teach classes. I think I met one of his students (or mentor possibly) and actually went out on the shortest, worst date of my life.

Here are a few things NOT to do on a first date. And yes, he managed to do ALL of them

1- do not be late.

2- when you are late do not expect me to have put us on the waiting list. They have call ahead seating, you picked one of the most popular restaurants on a Friday night because it's your favorite. Plan ahead!

3- Do not tell me I don't know how to do my job.

4- Do not tell me that the economic downturn is all my fault

5- I don't care that you make a six figure income, yes I caught all your references to it.

6- If you want to tell me how much you don't need your job because you make six-figures on your side job. Quit you job that is only wasting your time.

Now most people would have left at this point. Believe me it crossed my mind but I decided he owed me dinner at this point so I stayed and it only went down hill from here.

7- That is nice ALL of your family has a 6 or 7 (or more) figure income. I really don't care to know about them

8- That you think your cousin was lucky to aspire to become a trophy wife, you should keep that to yourself

9- Don't assume no one else can make a six figure income. Don't tell me I never had that so I don't understand what it's like to live in a home with a six figure income. My dad makes "six figures" if we really want to be technical.

10- Just because I quit a previous job does as an office manager does not make me a quitter.

11- Next time you want to rate how you feel about every nationality, don't. Especially when you go through the Polynesians, Asians, Middle Easterners, Europeans, Mexicans and Blacks and I was the minority in my school with exactly those groups and think quite highly of them.

12- You are not so cool that other races belong doing whatever you say because you are "the superior race"

13- you are 31 and in real estate. The military isn't begging you to join. Neither is the FBI. I am a military kid, I know a thing or two about it.

14- When you date tells the waiter you are leaving soon that is not a good sign. specially since you just got seated.

15- Do not tell me how dumb your previous girl friends were for not understanding their role was to allow you to make a six figure income. Its a first date, not the time to mention them anyway.

16- Don't tell me I'm an idiot and then try to touch me. Yes I glared at you and your hand for a reason.

17- When walking back to my car and I keep stepping away from you and end up walking us in a giant half circle, that does not mean I want you to stand closer to me.

18- When I tell you bye after only and hour and a half and then continue to walk another half way across the parking lot just a couple of rows over, that is not a good sign that you should contact me.

19- When you do contact me after, don't accuse me of anything.

20- For that matter, I still don't know why contacted me at all anyway after that.

I highly recommend no one else try doing all of these things on a first date or any other date. EVER!!

Officially My WORST. DATE. EVER.