Ghosts of Boys Past

If you think that my life has been boring since I decided I was REALLY over Jason rest assured, it has not. Its recently come to my attention however that I've been virtually stalked for awhile now and I'm still trying to make heads and tails of everything. In a weird twist, and really only in this situation, I think it is kinda cute. I'm not even sure if he was reading this blog but with the way the whole situation has played out so far no point in taking the chance. I would say maybe we are just friends but in the interactions so far I'd say that is not the case, I don't usually get as friendly or flirty with my friends as I have been with him. For me the whole thing really came out of the blue and it seems that is not the case for him. I'm not really sure what we were to begin with but this poses the question:

If you have ever been more that "just friends" with someone and then you just sort of stop talking for no real reason and suddenly they show back up, what do you do?

Oh and if you are reading this blog (you know who you are) it would probably help if you just come out and tell me what you want out of us talking again. I could be up for something but will totally talk myself out of any chances given time to overanalyze the situation. Just a thought though.

Down and out

Jason has a missionary coming home. When I found this out, I lost all interest. That was it. Maybe because I know what its like to go back and forth on if I like someone or not and I've drug 3rd parties through the roller-coaster with me but the second he said that I was done. Its been a month and I haven't looked back. I still hear from him daily but now I just talk to him the way I would anyone else. Even if he decided he's done with the missionary (she gets back in a couple weeks) I'm not interested. The end.

Chicken of the Sea?

So a week and a half ago I called a good friend of mine (let's call him Ryan) that has watched me through quite a few dating dilemmas just to chat and catch up. Inevitably my love life came up. I told him it was a total disaster, there were 3 choices one I really wanted to pursue and 2 backups that I could pursue if I put any effort into it. Of course the more interesting story is the one I want to pursue so he asked for the short version: He's been emailing me for almost 4 months, we had plans but due to an awkward situation with his ex I cancelled and now he backs out of everything and claims to be shy at dating. In a reply that very few people can get away with he told me "you're being an idiot. I have to go but IM me in the morning and I'll tell you why" of course I IMed him first thing the next day. Here's his theory:

He watched me have a similar "relationship" with a guy all through college (lets call him Scott). The boy was very cute, very social and had tons of friend. He was also very uncomfortable with dating and consequently it took YEARS to sort things out. This is sounding very familiar to me right now. His argument is that Jason is very social in every way except dating and just like Scott they both take dating very seriously, he says this is my "type". They will hang out with friend go to things, even hang out with girls but when it comes to dating they like to be more cautious and they don't like to put themselves out there to be hurt. I also come across as very social and outgoing and if I want to do something I will find a "date" and go and not think twice about it, unless I actually like the guy in which case I have to really pep-talk myself first. To the untrained eye (pretty much anyone but a very few select friends) I go on dates like crazy and am not intimidated by boys. So here's why I'm an idiot. Jason invited me to go to the movies with his friends- he probably feels comfortable enough in that I won't totally embarrass him infront of his friends but this way he can easy into stepping up the relationship from digital to an actual relationship. I said yes so he was all excited and then I cancelled- he was disappointed. I turned around and invited him to the fair which for me was a big deal since I like him but to him he was no different than any of the other things I do and to him it was more good timing at being around when I needed a date so when he cancelled it did not even the score. In my mind I was waiting for him to ask me out but in his mind I haven't really demonstrated much of an interest and I've already burned him once so the solution is I need to ask him out on a date that will be just us and make it obvious it is a date. (thank you to friends that can tell it to you how they see it- he justified this with a few stories from the Scott era) He argued that it wasn't too late and that he would have stopped emailing me if he wasn't interested and the emails were shorter because he was getting frustrated

So with that in mind, I sent an email: This email and FB thing is fun but I'm much more entertaining in person. I have a proposition: I love halloween and have never been to a haunted house, you love all things haunted so lets go to a haunted house. tonight. (the other argument was that I needed to do it quick rather than give him time to think things over) I got a reply of "Alas, tonight and this weekend are booked for me. But a haunted house does sound like fun, and I'm always up for fun. I'm sure you are fairly entertaining as well. I'm really not. I just put up a front when I go in for interviews and online messages. So be prepared for my shell. Next weekend has plans in motion but I'll know for sure hopefully this weekend what will and will not pan out. What are your plans for then?" we made tentative plans for the following Friday (this past weekend) pending the plans of a buddy that he had coming into town. Monday rolled around and we emailed and talked about the haunted house, tuesday and wednesday we didn't talk at all and thursday it just didn't come up. I finally asked if he were one and got, I can't believe I forgot to tell you, I can't go. My friends are going next week, why don't you come with us though?

My thought we had he said no outright to the haunted house I'd be done emailing. Whats the point of constantly emailing if nothing ever comes of it? He said yes but now keeps changing the plans so now I'm at a cross roads. There are a few possible explanations I have some I came up with and some are other opinions. I'm really not sure what to make of it.

I've gotten close to 300 emails from him over the last 3 and a half months so that he is interested in not up for debate but where to take it from here sure it!

#1- "Face Value"- He really did have plans, I should take the reschedule and not think twice.

#2- "Chicken"- He really is scared I won't like him when we go out. Over the last 4 months he's built it up in his head making it even more intimidating so I need to just be patient and go with him and his friends- he'll probably be more comfortable with them there and act himself anyway.

#3- "Too Many Fish in the Sea"- He is interested but also has a few other girls and not sure how to handle the situation. He doesn't want to limit himself or cut off any options. The rescheduling it to string me along until he can make up his mind. I should just tell him either we need to actually do things or we need to stop emailing and move on.

#4- "Everyones Friend" - He never pulls the trigger for fear of rejection, I should drop him now, he's had plenty of chances.

Ryan take is a combo of 1 & 2- he keeps trying to fit it in but it also scared so that is why he chooses the other options and that going with his friends will give him a wing man and also make it harder to back out (its harder to cancel on a group than one person) He also says that I am always attracted to this type and work great with them once I get past the initial start-up so I should just be patient and go with it and unless he flat out cancels take it as he's trying.

I'm open for advice. I'm not sure how much longer my patience will hold out.

1...2...3...4...?

how many months do I want to wait for this? last Tuesday my little brother called and asked me out on a date for Friday. Cute right? considering that certain other people aren't asking me out in a time line I'm ok with and I've now spent quite a while thinking he was a good idea, saying yes to my brother seemed like a great idea. Friday rolled around and as usual, the emails were going. As with every previous weekend, what we were each doing for the weekend came up. Early on I used to get excited that by asking what my plans were maybe he'd ask me out but now I look at it as more of a topic of discussion. You can imagine my surprise when he said his plans had cancelled and he wanted to get a date and what was I up to? I thought for maybe a second about canceling on my brother but then decided not to, after all he had told his girlfriend he couldn't go out that night plus did I really want to be that accessible? I don't really like the games but at the same time the chase is good. We talked for quite awhile about how col it was my brother was taking me out. He thought that was great and was really excited about it.

So here it is Monday. He's being weird in email, again. He's being weird when I tell him about my weekend, (I ran into an old friend that I hadn't heard from in years) but yet, do I have any dates with him? No.

So the question is, how long do I want to keep him around for? I do have a few other options that I've been stringing along on the side that I could be a little more friendly with but I also suspect that once I explore other choices he will drop away and it seems like he's getting a little more forward with things so I'm not sure what I want to do. But then my alternate choices won't really let me string them along indefinitely either so there are choices to be made...

Worth waiting around for or not?

Settling?

Some boys just don't take a hint. Friday a week ago I was driving home from work when who should call but the one-hit-wonder (OHW) boy. I'm not going to lie my first thought was to ignore the call but then I decided that would just lead to more calls and I might as well just get it over with so I answered.

OHW- so I figured that since I haven't heard from you in a week that means you probably decided not to take me up on the 5-date compromise. I just had to call and ask though, I mean when your future is on the line you have to find out

Me- Sorry about that, I thought it over quite a bit and I just don't think this is a good idea. I feel like I would just be wasting your time and money by letting you take me out

OHW- How is that wasting time and money? you are an amazing girl and together we are an amazing couple and I think the future could be endless for us.

Me- I appreciate you calling and thank you for thinking I'm that amazing but there are other girls out there that will be even better for you

OHW- I know that but I would be ok with you

Me- yeah, sorry this just won't work out.

OHW- well if you change your mind I'll always be here and if you ever have an emergency you can call me. I want to hear all about your triathlon tomorrow

Me- oh well, they had to shorten the swim portion so I'm sure it will be great. Good luck with everything

So that he called to find out if he had a chance I can respect. I know that one of the worst things is wondering "what-if" but I think that the other half of making that call is knowing that if the answer is no it just has to be no and because you are the one that brought it up you can't be a jerk about it if the person you called is being nice. Telling me that he knows there are better girls out there but he's ok with me really came across as he'd settle for me, not exactly the romantic-win-my-heart kind of comment I'm sure he was going for.

I did not call to tell him the triathlon results either. I think a clean finish is good, especially since we weren't friends to begin with.

Let's Define "Compromise"

Well, I'm in a mess. The one-hit wonder date seems to be unfazed by my lack of interest and is confusing my very busy schedule for, well, a very busy schedule rather than the date-dodging that it really is. Most people seem to run from the first sign of "no" but not this guy. I decided we needed to let him down gently. I prefer not to crush his little heart that our make out was just that and not a confession of my love-for-him-at-first-sight.

Monday- missed phone call, followed by a text that he just remembered I was at the movies followed by a voicenote. (Really? why did you not leave a voicemail message when you called me 5 minutes beforehand?) "Just wanted to say hi and let you know I'm sorry if we jumped into kissing too soon for you the other night. That was probably too physical for a first day"

Tuesday I avoided replying to him for a few hours, once he'd asked how late I stayed up, what chocolate brand I liked, did I like Toblerone, was I awake still, and what for my plans for the night; I finally replied that I was going to bed and ignored all the previous texts.

Wednesday night I was sick and didn't reply again. This time I was dodging things like, smile, I miss you you, hope to see you soon... and the like. I finally replied around 11 p.m. and told him I was sick (I really was) and was going to bed. He offered to bring me chicken soup. I said no. Even if he wasn't a weirdo I would have said no, I was tired and not about to stay awake any longer than necessary.

Thursday- this was it, the day I was pulling the plug. I'd given it a lot of thought and had it figured out. I sent him this text: "So I don't think this is going to work for me, we got too physical too fast. Sorry." I didn't think I'd hear back from him at all but I was wrong. I get the following reply: "How about a compromise?" I know I grew up in a different world than most but I thought the idea of a compromise was pretty universal and I had no idea how not seeing each other could be compromised but he had a suggestion: "give me 5 dates, if I try to get physical or at the end of those 5 I'm not what you want, I'll disappear." He then told me I can think in it since its such a "big decision". I think the compromise he had in mind was the nothing physical part but I don't see why on earth he would want to spend money on me when I told him no. plus FIVE dates? That is like a whole month of dates! why oh why would I spend with a guy that I have no interest in?

Meanwhile: Jason is confusing me.

Tuesday I heard from him and he was canceling our date on Saturday. I'm pretty disappointed about this. At the time he claimed it was the mission farewell for a long time family friend but I've now developed my own theory. He told me today that he gets super nervous when it comes to going on dates. He says he's fine doing things and I know he's made out with his share of girls but call an activity a date and he will panic. I think he had too long to think about it and panicked. I also think this means the movie outing (which I cancelled) was more of a date in his book than it was a "hang out." I told him that some guy I randomly met wanted to date seriously and had suggested a 5 date compromise and he didn't seem to like this story at all (I left out the kissing part) he told me to tell him that a good compromise is we have 0 dates and I'm nice to him if I ever see him again. (little did he know just how weird this guy keeps getting and what a compromise that is on my end! my ability to be nice drops with each time I say no)

Needless to say, one-hit-wonder is just that and will be getting NO dates but I still want to date Jason- I'm just not sure how to make this happen. I have a theory that the slightly older Mormon guys worth dating tend to need a little extra work and I've decided I'm ok putting in the work for him. I just don't know how to approach it...

Oh and now I need a date for Saturday since he cancelled :(

Things in threes?

They say people die in threes but apparently there are a few more things that happen in threes, like boys.

Friday night my emailing "friend" (the one I mentioned last week) and I established that we are going to the State Fair next weekend. Yeah! it is also officially a date so this is a good thing. Thank you for the votes with what to do. He ended up initiating things after all.

Not 30 minutes after we finished talking a friend from a prior ward who I hear from every few months sent me a IM (apparently I'm very into electronic communication lately) and asked for my number so we could go out sometime. He's been a casual friend for awhile so while it isn't as exciting as the State Fair, I'm sure it could be fun.

The next day, Saturday, I was up the canyon and met this guy who started small talking and when I went to leave asked for my number. I decided to go for it, I mean, asking for my number doesn't even mean he'll actually use it so what does it hurt.

3 boys, 15 hours. And one of me. I never handle juggling more than 2 well.

Unfortunately he did use it, right away. I was watching the BYU - Oklahoma game and he wanted game updates. After we pulled off the win, he suggested we celebrate by eating ice cream. I decided again to go for it. (bad idea) after all, its just ice cream right? He came over and we were laughing then sitting at the table eating and he decided to hold my hand. Then he suggested we cuddle on the couch. I was very sunburnt and not that interested in cuddling (I'm still excited about the State Fair, this week is not a good week for other boys) but then I also like to cuddle and I was already holding his hand (bad idea, I know) so I didn't see too many other choices. We cuddled for all of 5 minutes before he decided to kiss me. I knew at this point that I wasn't THAT into him but of course it was late, I was tired and kissing is fun. So I went with it.

Here is a list of things not to tell a girl the day you meet her and the first time you are kissing:

You are my universe

You are the 7th girl I've ever kissed and already you are more important than any of the others, including my ex-fiance

I really wanted my first kiss to be over the alter

Have you kissed much more people than me? I bet you haven't you don't seem like a slutty girl (I've kissed QUITE a few more... does that mean I'm a slut?)

We are an amazing couple

Can I see you every day this week?

I don't want to go home tonight

Want me to take my shirt off? (I would like to point out that everything was totally appropriate so where the idea to start taking clothes off was coming from is beyond me)

I've never worked anywhere for more than a few months. Either I quit or get fired

I still live at home (he's pushing 30) and besides my mission I always have

I currently don't have a job

One day I plan to finish college

Will you come to my ward temple night this week with me?

The good thing that came out of all of this is now I just have to figure out how to juggle the email boy and the guy from my old ward (who I'm hoping will take awhile to ask me on a date anyway so then I won't have to worry about it!)

As for the guy I kissed... I already turned him down four times this week to do things so I'm hoping he gets the idea.

Yeah for this Saturday though!

Group Vote

Ok, I've come to a point that I am in need of some advice. You are welcome to make a comment, cast a vote or both but this needs some outside viewpoints. The more advise the better.

About 2 months ago I met a guy (we'll call him Jason) through work and we started emailing about work, then he started adding a few personal comments and now we email constantly, facebook, etc and work is about the last thing we talk about. The day I met him I had a first date with a guy that I ended up dating for a little while so by the time we started emailing I was in the middle of whatever it was with the other guy and in honesty and full disclosure efforts, I told him about the other guy, but we kept emailing. Just as other guy and I broke it off, Jason met another girl who was really aggressive and pretty soon they were dating. We discussed her frequently and how it was unusual for him to have a girl so aggressive when his usual style is much slower and he prefers to get to know girls better up front. From what he was saying I thought she was playing him (turned out, I was right) but he wasn't ready to see that so we kept emailing (we didn't talk about her constantly but she came up) about 2 weeks ago when things with the girl started going south he started asking me about the guy I'd been dating (by then we were long since over) and I told him it was an old story but totally done. He wanted to know if there were any other guys in the mix for me, I told him no. (I'm assuming by "in the mix" he was referring to people I was actually dating not emailing)

Last weekend (Friday) the girl called it off it with him. She met someone else and had been dating them both. (shocker) This made Friday the first day that we were both available and we both knew it. We emailed on FB all day, we IM-ed till 2 am, Sunday we FB emailed again and that brings me to the question here. What do I do next?

The problem:

Since I met him at work I have to be a little more careful that I normally would. (we don't work together, he's a potential client) so technically he needs to initiate anything that does, or doesn't, happen. He is a slow mover and I tend to not be (otherwise this blog wouldn't exist) on the other hand, a slow mover may be just what I need, it has been 2 months of constant, and hundreds, of emails so it really isn't jumping into this either. From his stories of the other girl I think he likes slightly more aggressive girls which once I get to about this point I can do just fine but again, work complicates this.

I'm going to assume that he would not email me so much if he wasn't interested, that would be a major waste of his time. Some of his emails are pretty personal, we talk about anything and everything.

Here's the possible next steps I see:

1- Just keep emailing, he'll do something eventually, right?

2- Find a way to switch to texting (If you think I should do this, I welcome suggestions as to how I'm going to do this) and see if he will take the rest from there.

3- Invite him to do something that I'm already doing, if I was already going, work can't be mad!

4- Just flat out ask him out and ignore the rules. Up till the last girl he went months without going on a date so the aggressive type may not be all bad for him... (I do like my job though)

5- Something else...

What do you think?

Creepy McCreeperson Award

I have to give mad props to Mormon boys in Utah who are into their professional careers and still single but out to meet girls through their everyday life. In a place where 50-75% of the population is claiming to be Mormon and we have one of the lowest average ages for marriages its a little tricky to tell who is available and who is off the market and who doesn't have the same priorities. So to every guy that has met a girl through professional workday routines and asked her out I am impressed. I'm even more impressed though if it went well.

Today I was walking into a company I work with and standing on the front staircase is a guy I'd guess to be in his late 20's or early 30's waiting out front for someone. As I was supposed to meet someone I will admit taking a moment to look and see if he was who I was meeting. He wasn't. I found my contact, went in and took care of what I needed and was headed back to my car down the stairs when he came walking back up. Just as he passed me he commented "Isn't this great weather" to which I turned and replied that It was and I wished it would last for a few more months and he informed me it wouldn't. so far so good. unfortnatly this was the only truly normal point in teh conversation.

him: do you work here?
me: no, they are a client of ours.
him: how did you get into your job? Don't you love sales?
me: yes, I love what I do
him: so what other companies do you work with, do you come here often? (isn't that a line used at bars?)
me: lately I come here a lot, I work with companies all along the Wasatch Front though
him: so where do you live?
me: Utah county...
him. oh cool. What's your name?
me: my name is sarah
him: nice to meet you. (he shook my hand and stepped back. he had a VERY WEIRD handshake. major annoyance of mine)
me: so your name is...?
him: Dave.
him: so who do you live with?
me: friends
him: oh fun, how often do you see your roommates or family?
me: (creep-o-meter going off) pretty often
him: oh, ok. are your roommates boys or girls?
me: girls
him: oh, well ok. That sounds like it would be cool. i like to go to that area sometimes
me: yes my roommates and I have fun.
him: I have a house in Murray, it's 15 minutes to anywhere in the valley from there, Utah county is close. What city do you live in?
me: lehi... (no I don't really live in Lehi, yes I guess that means I lied. It was for a good cause though)
him: that is a pretty area.
me: I think I need to go.
him: You should look me up, I'm always around. (Insert images of him jumping out of the bushed by my office)
me: ...ok...

I'd like to announce that if I disappear, stop blogging, can't be reached by my phone or anything else, come looking for me and then go question Dave "around" the company. Report him to the police.

And Dave, next time something like: "want to grab something really quick" or "want to get together and talk more sometime" would both have been much more normal and I probalby would have said yes but instead, you won the Creepy McCreeperson Award for today.

Another what not to do

So we went out, we had fun, we kissed for awhile in the parking lot and you went on vacation. I had another date with someone else the next night. I didn't hear from you for a few days but spent most of them with my new "friend" so a week and a half later when I hear from you, you are old news. I tell you I'm going out of town (I really did) here are a few things not to follow that statement with:

1- That is too bad, I was hoping to meet and make out tonight and go on a date.

(follow up text) Not that I only want to make out with you, we can go on a date too

2- Text me when you get back

3- (a few days later) Hope you are having fun, text me when you get back

4- (the day I told you I'd be back, 9 AM) how was your trip? was I supposed to text you today or are you texting me?

5- (few hours later) I still haven't heard from you, home yet?

6- (few hours later) Just checking in

I would like to point out that I replied after text #1 and didn't say anything else.

I don't recommend this approach.

First dates 101- what not to do

As was suggested Ryan from the what not to say blog is so smooth he should teach classes. I think I met one of his students (or mentor possibly) and actually went out on the shortest, worst date of my life.

Here are a few things NOT to do on a first date. And yes, he managed to do ALL of them

1- do not be late.

2- when you are late do not expect me to have put us on the waiting list. They have call ahead seating, you picked one of the most popular restaurants on a Friday night because it's your favorite. Plan ahead!

3- Do not tell me I don't know how to do my job.

4- Do not tell me that the economic downturn is all my fault

5- I don't care that you make a six figure income, yes I caught all your references to it.

6- If you want to tell me how much you don't need your job because you make six-figures on your side job. Quit you job that is only wasting your time.

Now most people would have left at this point. Believe me it crossed my mind but I decided he owed me dinner at this point so I stayed and it only went down hill from here.

7- That is nice ALL of your family has a 6 or 7 (or more) figure income. I really don't care to know about them

8- That you think your cousin was lucky to aspire to become a trophy wife, you should keep that to yourself

9- Don't assume no one else can make a six figure income. Don't tell me I never had that so I don't understand what it's like to live in a home with a six figure income. My dad makes "six figures" if we really want to be technical.

10- Just because I quit a previous job does as an office manager does not make me a quitter.

11- Next time you want to rate how you feel about every nationality, don't. Especially when you go through the Polynesians, Asians, Middle Easterners, Europeans, Mexicans and Blacks and I was the minority in my school with exactly those groups and think quite highly of them.

12- You are not so cool that other races belong doing whatever you say because you are "the superior race"

13- you are 31 and in real estate. The military isn't begging you to join. Neither is the FBI. I am a military kid, I know a thing or two about it.

14- When you date tells the waiter you are leaving soon that is not a good sign. specially since you just got seated.

15- Do not tell me how dumb your previous girl friends were for not understanding their role was to allow you to make a six figure income. Its a first date, not the time to mention them anyway.

16- Don't tell me I'm an idiot and then try to touch me. Yes I glared at you and your hand for a reason.

17- When walking back to my car and I keep stepping away from you and end up walking us in a giant half circle, that does not mean I want you to stand closer to me.

18- When I tell you bye after only and hour and a half and then continue to walk another half way across the parking lot just a couple of rows over, that is not a good sign that you should contact me.

19- When you do contact me after, don't accuse me of anything.

20- For that matter, I still don't know why contacted me at all anyway after that.

I highly recommend no one else try doing all of these things on a first date or any other date. EVER!!

Officially My WORST. DATE. EVER.

What not to say, the long version...

Here is one of the emails I got.  We put the short version of on here already but the full length version was too good to ignore:

The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name. Mine is Ryan. We seem so much alike. Kind of scary… Are you stalking me? You are aren't you? That’s not very nice… doesn’t make a very good first impression being a stalker. lol

Do you really exist? Sorry to be so cynical but shouldn't you be married to some trust fund quarterback? I guess I'm just hoping that just maybe you are different from your type and realized along time ago that there is so much more to life and you are praying not to do it wrong. Well here's to hoping?

I like to exercise. I go quite a bit. I love to run and run a lot. I use to be a big guy. I think that's how I dealt with a bad marriage. I have lost 73 lbs and still going. I would like to lose maybe another 30 or so lbs. I like being active; it is such the secret to success in life.

So tell me about you…

Ryan

What not to say to impress a girl

I've recently been talked into trying online dating.  True to form, there have ben plenty of "normal" guys and then the crazies who have not been disappointing!  Here are a few things I've been told that I recommend not saying to girls.  All of these were their opening lines to me also which just makes them even worse!

Example 1- The Skeptic

Boy:  Are you stalking me? Does a girl like you actually exist? Shouldn't you be married to some trust fund quarterback? Maybe there is hope for girls like you to realize there really is more to life then!

Example 2- Why date, let's just get married

Boy:Hi I'm Jared, I can't help but wondering, Why don't you have kids?

Me:  Cause being a single mom never seemed like a good idea.

Boy: How many kids to you want?

Me: I don't know, we'll see

Boy: What traits does your husband need to have?

Me:  Just to be my best friend

Boy:  Can I be your friend? I have 2 kids and you'd be great with them.

Example 3- The One-hit Wonder

Boy:  How about you come over, we can hook up and we never have to talk again if you don't want to

Me:  I don't think so

Boy:  You are a jerk, what a piece of work!

Example 4- The Expert

a few minutes into our conversation: 

Me:  So what do you do for fun?

Boy:  Mini-golf, bowling, doing puzzle together, running my hand through girls hair...

Me:  Yeah but when you are by yourself, what do you do? What are your hobbies?

Boy:  I used to collect baseball cards as a kid...

Me:  Ok... So what kind of music do you like?

Boy:  80's and Christian rock

Me:  I don't think we will have anything in common. I like country and top 40

Boy:  I can tolerate a little of that

Me:  Yeah but I also like sporting events, being outside, movies and hanging out with friends and family

Boy:  Well having been married I can tell you that actually having things in common doesn't matter, it how you feel about God that only really matters

Me:  Yes but I also want to be friends with the guy I marry

Boy:  Well having been married before I can tell you that you are being shallow and good luck finding that

Example 5- Right to the point

Boy:  You are the girl I've been looking for to marry, who are you?

The "Creative Ask Out"

Recently at work my boss was telling me about how his son has just started dating and how the "big thing" right now is to come up with creative ways to ask someone out. Anything from the entire football team lining up shirtless with a letter on their stomach spelling "Will you go to homecoming with me" to breaking into their room to decorate was mentioned. As you can imagine, this brought back so many memories for me. I decided to blog today about one of my experiences back in college......
As a sophomore in college I had decided that I was older and more mature than I was as a stupid freshman and had moved off campus to make a statement. Now, instead of going for a large apartment complex to live in, I decided that I wanted to be in a small complex in a quieter area where hopefully more people were normal. I had heard quite a lot of negative things about the large apartment complexes so I was hoping I had made a smart choice.
As it turns out, this was a HUGE mistake! The people around me were not normal! The guys were all almost 30 (to a 19 year-old sophomore 30 seems insanely old) and the girls were so rude. I decided that I could deal with older guys because I didn't want to date them because I already had someone that I liked and even though we weren't in the same state we were still close. The girls I just couldn't deal with, they were awful. So in an effort to avoid the rude girls I didn't talk to any boy that I knew the girls liked, I didn't want them mad at me for "trying to steal" their man! I only talked to the nerdy guys the girls ignored.

This of course came back to bite me because as you know, nerdy guys have a different perspective on the female species. Since girls rarely talk to them, the second one actually does these nerdy boys automatically think this means "She loves me! She talked to me so that must mean she loves me!"

There was one in nerd in particular that I always made sure to talk to be nice. Just to be nice is the key there. He was just so shy all the time and I felt like I could just say hi. Of course this was taken WAY out of hand in his mind. So the worst day of the year (as has been my mantra since the 8th grade) Valentine's Day was coming. I had, of course, called my sister and begged to watch her adorable baby boys on that day so that she could go out with her husband and I would have the perfect excuse to turn all dates/offers down.

The day before Valentine's Day I left the apartment in a rush and tripped (of course since I have horrible ankles) over a flower pot. I was furious that someone would put a flower pot right in the way of our door. Seriously, who does that? So I kicked it, then at a closer look I saw that it had my name on. I got the familiar sick feeling in my stomach that I get when I know someone is going ask me out and I don't want to go. I also saw all of the signs of a "creative date ask out." I remember physically shivering and dreading what I saw.

I came in and threw the dreaded flower pot on the table. I then proceeded to call every guy I thought could have possibly done this and accused them of trying to be all cutesy to ask me out! Each one of them told me that they knew I hated Valentine's Day and that they wouldn't dare do something like that because they knew they would face my wrath. So while I was trying to ignore the detested flower pot my roommate decided to dig into it and see what was in it. She eventually coaxed me into helping her.

The flower pot was full of chocolate pudding, Oreo cookies, gummie worms, a small baggie with 86 random letters, and a note that said "will you be my Valentine? If you say yet, meet me at my apartment at 8 on Valentine's Day." After finding this note I once again felt sick to my stomach and kept wondering what kind of idiot did this to me!!

We searched and searched for anything else that would tell us who this flower pot came from and just what apartment the note referenced. We got totally messy as we dug and dug around this flower pot! We dumped it out, and went through the whole thing with our hands! We found nothing, nothing at all. So we turned to the bag of letters hoping there was a clue in there.

Boy were we disappointed!!! There were just 86 totally and completely random letters in the baggie. There was no clue at all!! You can spell anything with 86 random letters! Some letters were in red and some letters were in black. So just to amuse ourselves we spelled words like "idiot" and "moron" it just made me feel better to spell those words out.

After not being able to solve the mystery of who and where on Valentine's Day I couldn't even call whoever had sent it to tell them I had plans! I had no idea what to do, so I ended up doing nothing. On Valentine's Day no one showed up at my door or called me to tell me they were the one who left the flower pot there. I was still furious!!

After the incident about a month passed by with still no word. I got caught up in school and work and stop thinking about my fury. One of my other roommates let a small crowd of nerds into our apartment to hang out while I was at work one night. I got home exhausted and was not happy to see the small gathering in my apartment. As I walked in she was telling them about the flower pot and the nerd that I was always nice to turned bright red. It was obviously him who had given me the flower pot! It was VERY difficult to contain my rage and not just fly off the handle at him!!! I looked at him and said, how in the world was I to know that it was YOU!!! He said that the black letters in the bag spelled his name. I told him as nicely as I could that there was no way in the world that I was going to get that, that I had no idea who it was and couldn't even call to tell them that I already had plans. I neglected to tell him that my plans had been to babysit because I decided it was best if he thought that I had a boyfriend! Hopefully that would keep him from asking me out in the future!!

So that is the end of the story. As I look back on this experience I feel bad for the little nerd, but then again not really because there was nothing I could do! I'm sure that this wasn't a very good experience for him either. But the whole "creative" thing just killed his chances!! So that is my story about the "creative ask out" going completely awry!

First date kiss...

In order to create blogs such as this, it is necessary to go on lots of dates. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against relationships but I also don't feel the need to assume everyone is "the one" either. Consequently I actually get quite a kick out of being set up, afterall there are really only 3 possible outcomes: 1- it actually goes well and is worth my time; 2- there are no major ups or downs to the night, he's a one-hit-wonder (maybe two) and life rolls on; or 3- he is blog worthy.

With that in mind, I was all for going out with my friend's gym friend.

He called; we talked; in a spontaneous choice we went to sushi night and the he was normal, nice and I did not spend most of the night wondering what my friend thought of me that he thought we would be a good match. He did have a few strikes- 1- he was shorter than me. I know some people think its no big deal but call me traditional or insecure but I think height matters; 2- he asked if I was a "bad girl" (let's get real, that is never a good sign); and the big one 3- he felt the need to be a player and to lie about it.

Guys complain when girls play games but girls aren't that different. If you just want to make-out, thats fine, there is a possibility that is all we want to do too. I know the great fear of boys is that we will assume we are engaged the second you say hi to us but most of us are not this intense. Boys like to make-out, so do girls, if you don't believe me, continue reading our blog and that should be reason enough to believe me. So don't feed me a bunch of lines, "I haven't done this in awhile," "I love it when blind dates work out," "this makes me nervous"... ok, you go to the gym 5 days a week at least- at 5 am; you told me all about the gym all through dinner; you are slightly older, your teenage days are behind you, you have been on hundreds of dateyou are decently cute; you dress the part= you are not in a shortage of girls, if I plan to kiss you on the first date none of your lines are necessary, I know your type. You probably know mine. Telling me you will "call me later" and "let's do this again" is not necessary, I also do not need the obligatory text a few days later asking how I'm doing or the infrequent texts telling me you are doing homework. The kissing on the first date spoke volumes, your lines to get to that point buckled with your "nice guy" texts later complicate the situations more than the initial date.

So guys, next time you have an "ok" blind date and you want to take the player approach, just assume that if we aren't trying to track you down frantically a few days later, we are ok with it and please don't confuse us by trying to check up on us, you only confuse us more.